I’m going to do this all wrong.
Here’s something you might want to know about me: I live in a world of pretty grand dreams. There are a lot of things that I want to do with my life that many people would call crazy. Countries I want to live, staircases I want to climb, things I want to do and food I want to eat and adventures I want to accomplish. When I look back at my life, I want to be like that Mark Twain quote and have no serious regrets about the things I could have done but didn’t do. (If I have regrets about things I have done, well, that’s my own fault and an entirely different subject.)
Part of my “problem”, is that despite a fairly regular upbringing, once I finished high school I did something rather unpredictable considering the life I had been living. I didn’t choose the “normal” path many people (including myself) had probably imagined. Opportunities came up, small ones at first, and I took them. Accounting school? How about drama school instead! College graduation ceremony? Skip that, let’s go spend the summer in San Luis Obispo! No, I know, let’s work for Disney and go live in Singapore! Making unconventional decisions was my drug of choice. Then those choices opened up new doors, which I went through. Not every single time. I did a lot of conventional living too, but I did enough unconventional things, including a few big ones, to realize how easy it can be to do. You just have to choose it, and somehow things always work out. I now know nothing is out of my grasp. I was painfully timid at times as a kid and didn’t grow up thinking I could be President, but I realize now that I could be. President. If I wanted to, which I don’t, because what kind of crazy person would want that, certainly not me, so I’m definitely glad I didn’t go down that path. But I could’ve, I know now. Could. Pretty much the only thing that prevents me from doing exactly what I want to do is, you guessed it, me.
It is my own version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Only in my case, Hyde is freaking awesome. He travels, he backpacks the world, he moves to a new city every few years and meets awesome new people and has crazy fun adventures. Dr. Jekyll, on the other hand, is borderline autistic and craves routine and order. He likes balancing spreadsheets and eating the same thing for lunch every day. (Skippy peanut butter on potato bread, if you were sadistically wondering.) He likes quiet nights at home with maybe a nice walk in the twilight to look for lightning bugs. He often feels the longing to let Hyde take him out on an adventure, but his innate sense of responsibility keeps him grounded and he resists. The struggle can get so intense that occasionally he just gets overwhelmed and drowns his frustration and sorrow by sitting in front of the computer watching SNL reruns and playing mah jong to distraction, though he does occasionally indulge in classic adventure novel binges. He is grateful for Hyde’s appearances, but often stops short of calling him out, knowing just how dangerous that can be. After all, Hyde has frequently initiated life-altering decisions with carefree abandon. Of my last six moves, five of them were cross-country, and four were made spontaneously with the move happening in a matter of weeks, if not days. When I play, I play big.
For the first time in my life, Jekyll is making some big accomplishments. My finances, though far behind where they “should” be at my age, have never been better. Two frugal guys in a household with no kids currently working four jobs can make a financial spreadsheet weep with joy. We still have to watch our pennies, but progress is steady, and growing.
My new career as a nurse is going great. Five years in I’m still learning a lot, trying out some different specialties to figure out where I want to go from here. I know I’m not one to stay in the same job for too long, though Jekyll is very happy at present and quite content to stick with it for a while. But I have my fingers in a couple of different pots, so when Hyde does wake up, he’ll have a few options at least.
On one level, I am currently very content. I’ve got a great husband, a great job, another great job, a third job with some very interesting potential, I love where I live, and I know I’m making the financial progress I need to someday be able to do all the things I REALLY want to do.
And that right there is where it all starts to fall apart.
Remember when you graduated high school, and your parents or a sibling or someone no doubt gave you a copy of “Oh, The Places You’ll Go” by Dr. Seuss? I could write a book just on how awesome that book is. Probably so could you, because everyone has read it and everyone loves it, and rightfully so since each page was personally kissed by an angel. When I first read it, the get up and go inspiration resonated with me immediately. Because once I threw off my heavy burden of teenaged angst and suffering, I felt light as a feather. The world seemed like Oz in dazzling technicolor, and I wanted to go out and experience it. All of it.
What scared me wasn’t the setbacks, or the struggles, the Lurch or the Slump. Those things happen to me just like they do everybody, but my inner Pollyanna can always see the light up ahead. The force of optimism is strong within me. I’m more like a combo Pollyanna and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, calmly but relentlessly happy because no matter how many vampires try and tear me down, dude, I’m the freaking Slayer. So no offense for the Luches and Slumps and vampires in the world, but I always win in the end.
But if adverse advents are mere obstacles to conquer or tolerate, I have to admit there is something that scares me. Terrifies me. My kryptonite: the Waiting Place.
The Waiting Place is where people wait for whatever it is they feel they need before they can continue their journey. Another Chance. A Better Break. Not moving, not growing, just waiting. This place has always utterly and completely terrified me. Because it is my weakness. I’m not ready. I’m not prepared. I’m not as special as I think I am. In my eye, the Waiting Place isn’t all cute Dr. Seuss yellow grass and people standing in lines for nothing, waiting for a phone call from a phone that isn’t even connected. In my eye, the Waiting Place is full of clowns and old fashioned dolls and ventriloquist dummies, walking around and staring at you from the shadows hoping that you get so bored with waiting that you close your eyes and give them the chance to make their move on you. I can’t breathe, flames, flames on the side of my face, I have to get the heck out of that place!
I don’t want to wait to do the things I really want to do. I want to do those things now. When I was an actor I was always waiting for someone to pick me to be in their show. Now I’m waiting until I have enough money to do the things I “really want to do”. I really want to jump in a plane down to Colombia and spend nine months backpacking around South America. I want to live in Hawaii. I want to learn Spanish. I want to run a marathon. I want to write a book.
But instead, I wait. The waiting isn’t without accomplishment and pleasure. I have a job where I make a difference. Maybe not every day, but often enough that it feels good. And I know I have to save enough money so that one day I’ll be able to retire to Ecuador or Indonesia or Guatemala and live comfortably doing my old man adventures. Every month my financial independence gets closer and that feels awesome. But even by the early retirement crowd’s standards in a third world country, I probably have another ten years of work at this rate, 20 or more if I wanted to stay in the US. I’m just not sure I’m gonna make that. Hyde won’t stay silent that long.
And, frankly, I don’t want him to.
So, the blog. I have lots of ideas of what this blog could be. Or might be, in the future. Businesses I could run, content I could create, things I could help people do. But while there may be wisdom in waiting until you are ready to launch something so ambitious, I don’t think that is my best move at this point. There will always be a Better Time. I could always be More Educated. Or I could wait for the deadline at work to pass, or to see if some other opportunity is going to happen or not. And I could wait, and wait, and wait, and one of these days my eyes will shut and the clown is going to eat my brains.
Because that is what clowns do. They eat your brains. So do dolls, after they have their fake tea party in the attic while you are sleeping. And ventriloquist dummies are even worse, they slap your face before they eat your brains, and say “Really? You didn’t see this coming? You are a moron, which is great for me, because moron brains are extra salty! Nom nom nom.”
Like, you know this already, right? Basic Survival 101, people.
I am starting this blog as a way to keep me motivated, to keep me going. The goals I am rightfully focusing on right now are long term goals, and the only way to keep me from breaking down to chase other dreams is to make sure I keep myself busy with the right kinds of busy. Not just work and routine, but to make sure I’ve got other goals and dreams, other things I can still be doing right here right now. Yes, I feel pretty pleased with myself when I’m hiking through the Andes going the back way to Machu Picchu. Or riding a motorcycle through the jungles of Vietnam. But DC, where I’m currently living, has a great deal to offer too. There are lots of things I could be doing here. If I’d focus. If I were accountable. My so-called bucket list – and mental note, I need think of a better term for that – is long and varied. I just need a reminder that there are things I can do now, today, right now.
So hopefully this can be my frequent reminder. I’m gonna try and sort it out here, talk about how and why I do what I do. I’m sure my mom will enjoy it because, duh, she is my mom. (Hi, mom!) But maybe someone else will learn a thing or two, or better yet want to join me on the journey and be encouraged to take steps toward living your own personal adventure. I’d love to build a community of like-minded people, here to challenge their expectations and assumptions and to inspire the rest of us to do the same. The adventure is in our grasp. We just have to say yes.
Also, you have to keep coming back, reading and commenting. Like, duh. Otherwise, I’m totally not responsible for all the angel tears you cause.
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Photo credit: D. Sharon Pruitt
Woo-hoo! So glad to “see” you blogging again and sharing your joy for the world. If you and David have a hankering for all things Shanghai, our guest room is yours anytime 🙂 hugs and more hugs.
Thanks Meg! I rather enjoy the fact that my first comment comes from someone who not only facilitated my first backpacking adventure back in 2000, but who is also out there living the dream in China. What a world this is!
Hi Robb! This little gem you have going was the perfect start to my week (I know it’s Tuesday, but I didn’t work that hard yesterday… I did however spend a lot of time in the sunshine and with good friends, so maybe that’s the point). I love your outlook and admire your past and current adventures. Cheers to this blog and to living in the spirit of Machu Picchu treks and Vietnamese motorcycle rides on the days when it’s just sunny and not so adventurous 🙂
That is appreciated, coming from someone who knows how to have adventures of her own! But you know how it is, once you’ve tasted the sweet tang of a grand adventure, you want to eat it again and again and again. Hopefully this will be another avenue for fun and excitement!
My Hyde isn’t as wild as yours (last year when I lost my job two weeks later I was in Europe hopping a high-speed to Paris… for a cocktail) but I have the split personality too. I’m a stubborn, nesting, root-planting Taurus… who gets twitchy if there aren’t travel plans on the horizon. 20 years with a Gemini have gotten to me I guess.
A spontaneous trip to Paris born from the ashes of an unexpected job loss – that sounds pretty wild (and awesome) to me!
I also have strong nesting instincts, but I’ve been suppressing them, well, my whole life. Someday perhaps I’ll indulge…but not yet.
Well Robb, I am captivated. Just reading your blog makes me want to kick off my shoes and find the next best place to sink my pretty toes in the sand. Maui was amazing. I would love to visit more of the Islands and spend some time enjoying the culture. You know I am an adventurist at heart. You are a great writer. Your mom can write as well. You know my sweet Heather called and told me someone is stealing her brains. I might have to ask her of she any clowns around. Second thought….I better leave that one alone! Anyway my favorite Robb, you inspire me and have me thinking of my next adventure. You have such an interesting life. I love you cuz I can and I just have always and will always! Hey….maybe come visit you!!!!
Thanks Aunt Deb! And yes, island adventures sound particularly wonderful. I don’t even care which one. Well, as long as it is at least ten degrees warmer! (ba-dum-dum!)
I love your writing style – just the right mix of earnestness and humor! Please do post when you come up with a new term for bucket list, the doom implied in the name has always bothered me.
When we took a job in England, we actually had family members ask us why on earth we would want to do that. I told them we had already put it off for over 10 years, I had wanted to take a job in Italy in 1995, but we had a California offer that was too good to refuse.
Anyway, I can relate (!) and look forward to reading more.
I thought quite a bit about my bucket list Julie, and in the end named it what is actually is – a To Do List! Check mine out: https://tendegreeswarmer.com/the-to-do-list/
And I love that you went to England. What seems so weird to some just seems so natural to me. Why wouldn’t you want to go live in another country for a while? There is no greater gift you can give yourself than to expand your perspective. You’ve done an amazing thing for your kids, in my humble opinion.
Exactly, why wouldn’t you? We have to stay stateside for 2 years before we can go live abroad through my husband’s work again, I really, really hope to. Teenage kids make it harder, but we’re talking it through.
Thanks for the compliment! I keep thinking my kids are starting off way ahead of me, travel wise… they’ll have no fear of navigating public transport in a foreign language, they know they can get by in a country on a few key phrases, a smile and good manners, and they both can still do the math for dollars to euros or pounds in their heads. 🙂 It does alter you, and expand your perspective – what’s funny is, now that we’re back in CA, my 13 year old is finding other kids her age very provincial. I didn’t even know what that word meant at 13. LOL
I didn’t leave the country until I was 24, I can only wonder how my perspective would be different if I’d done it at 13. And yes, I doubt I ever heard the word “provincial” growing up in California either. lol
Great To Do list! I looked into Victoria Falls for my 40th birthday, but could not swing it. That is definitely on my list. And we were planning a trip to the pyramids right as things fell apart there, so we didn’t end up going. Cuddle a giant fruit bat? LOL 🙂
Have you seen giant fruit bats? They are adorable! Except maybe the wings, but even so.
Googling….. yeah,not for me. LOL Vive la différence!
I agree with Julie (who is my BFF and sent me your amazing blog) your writing is amazing. I totally found a kindred spirit who hates the cold as much as I do! Snow is something you look at though the window while you sip your hot toddy. 🙂 Dolls will totally suck your brain…and Elf on the Shelf will kill you in your sleep. I look forward to reading more.
🙂
Life is all about finding as many kindred spirits as you can, welcome!
I partly want to ask what an Elf on the Shelf is, but then again maybe I don’t really need to know. lol
LOL Creepy Elf on the Shelf…
OK, I’ll be the token straight white guy who reads your stuff. Robb, you are an inspiration. Keep it up!
Why is that Jeremy, are you saying you think most straight white guys don’t want to be awesome? ::grin::
Feel free to keep teasing me though. Because that gives me the opportunity to tease you right back. 🙂
following 🙂 🙂
Can’t wait to read more!
Thanks for coming by Kathleen! Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this particular bit of awesomeness! You and David are inspiring to me in ways that reach down to the very core of my being. If we lived closer, I would suggest that we train for a marathon together. Of course you’d easily out-pace a shorty like me, but I’d welcome the challenge. I too often allow myself to become comfortable in The Waiting Place. Who am I kidding, I build fortresses there and defend them against any incursion! It’s a great spot to keep my own Mr. Hyde safely incarcerated. But perhaps I could allow him to stretch his legs from time to time and explore… I wonder where I put my running shoes?
***(((((!SQUISHY-BEAR-HUGS!)))))***
I’m sure I’m not the only one that gets entrapped by The Waiting Place, even though when I’m there it feels like I’m alone. It just sucks!
And yes, my long legs are a fantastic asset when it comes to distance running. But I’ve got to get out of the north if I really want to train. The running season here is too short. (You don’t seriously think I’d go running if it were below 75 degrees do you?)
Hah! Our weather is still in the 90s. Neener neener neeeeenerrrrrrr!!!
😉
You have bested me Sir. I concede. 😉
This is going to be so much fun. I can’t wait to see what comes next, then next, then next!
Me neither! Oh, wait, I guess I should get working on that, huh?
“Moron brains are extra salty…” I write for a living, and I’ve never penned a post that I enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed this. I look forward to living vicariously through your adventures while I sit comfortably in my status quo. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll even inspire me to get out there and try something crazy.
Hopefully we will all do something crazy Nathan. Crazy awesome!
Except eat brains. I’m willing to eat a lot of foods once to say I did it, but I’m pretty sure brains are off the table, moron or not. ::shudder::
I don’t see “Perform as circus clown” in your to do list. I thought that was your biggest dream…
Now Andy, that is just silly. I mean, a circus is about the last place you’ll ever find me. I learned all I needed to learn about circuses from the movie “Something Wicked This Way Comes”, and the lessons we learn as children stay with us for life.
And, on a more serious note, I love the To Do List. Inspiring!
With effortless eloquence you impeccably illustrated what I often imagine. You can tell I think alliterations are awesome, but they don’t hold a candle to the inspiration you just gave me.
Alliterations ARE awesome, and I’m excited that you are excited Jessica! It’s a rush, isn’t it, when you remember to poke your head out of your routine, look around, and realize the potential that is all around you. I don’t believe our lives are intended to be endured, or dull, or forgotten. They are meant to be full of magic and splendor and success.
And cookies. Full of cookies too.
Not to sound like a self help book, but I live in the land you are now inhabiting. The only way that I get by and keep what little sanity that I still can lay claim to, is to set and celebrate small goals, that build to your larger goal. Sometimes, I find achieving the smaller goals sets me on a new path, and one that I had never thought of, and I celebrate those. Thank you for starting this blog. You are an interesting writer, and who knows, it might make the basis of a delicious script at some point.
Thanks Ron! Isn’t it exciting? Instead of, oh, I’m looking to my week vacation next spring, you can think, wow, I’m really excited about reaching this financial goal for the month, or excited that I learned to cook a new dish, or excited that I burned an extra 50 calories on the elliptical because I was working that much harder. Small goals are awesome.
And yeah, book, script, or just a bunch of ramblings, who knows. Knowing me, I couldn’t even tell you where I’m gonna be in five years, or ten years, or whatever. Life always surprises you.
Look what I found when I “opened” my computer today! You and your wonderful wisdom on wanderlust and westlessness. Oops I took alliteration too far! What you describe is what I feel as restlessness. That’s my name for it. The ongoing quest to try to live deliberately. And sometimes deliberately being still is the hardest thing. I love your writing. I love the way you live. I love the way you and David inspire others to explore places they’d never considered. ; ) I am looking forward to reading your musings here. Bring it on!
Deliberately still. Now there is an interesting challenge Erin. And I don’t suppose you are talking about taking naps. 🙂 I can definitely relate to restlessness though. It just seems like there is so much to see and do, sometimes it is hard to focus on what you are actually seeing and doing.
Dang, this thread is giving me so many ideas of posts to write. You guys are awesome!
I was here at the beginning! This is proof! 🙂
In all seriousness though (kind of), I love what you said about The Waiting Place. I know too many people who are stuck there. In some respects, I know I am too. But, at least the realization is there that there is no “good time” to achieve your dreams. That really flies in the face of everything we’re taught in life!
You made it Catherine, now you can go brag to all of your friends! lol
Being prepared is a good thing, but sometimes we get so hung up on the IDEA of being prepared that we never actually feel like we are. That’s when you sometimes just have to do it, and trust that you’ll fill in the gaps as you go along.
And yes, we get taught a lot of things that are stupid. Don’t even get me started on credit cards, or car leases. lol
You sound a lot like me. I’m glad I’m not alone in my refusal to pick one thing and stick with it; I too wish to pursue awesome. Cheers, my fellow adventure blogger! May everyday be the best day of your life!
Adventure blogger. I hadn’t thought about it in those terms exactly, but it sure has a nice ring to it!
And I’ve got to figure out this commenting system. This template build doesn’t seem to come with the feature for you to link back to your blog, which is a bummer. I want to know what your blog is! I might have to switch to a new plugin or something that will give me that feature.
President Hillman. If you become so inclined, I will not only vote for you, I’ll campaign for you. The last person I stumped for became President, even if things didn’t Change the way I’d Hoped.
Keep it up, Robb.
I mean, Mr. President.
I love reading your blog. (Wish there were a sweeter-sounding name for that…blog…) You have a fun writing style. Keep ’em coming! Hugs! And give Dave a hug for me.